Seriously, can't I just have one ailment at a time?

Last Saturday, I noticed that my right eyelid was acting a little funny. Over the next week, it grew gradually more swollen and irritated, and now I have a giant ball of poo occupying my upper right eyelid (and clearly, 'poo' is a medical term). According to WebMD, it's due to a clogged oil gland. So yes, I have a giant zit in my eyelid.

On top of that, I've noticed that my left eye has been becoming increasingly gunky when I get up in the morning and throughout the day. And this morning? It's pink. Yes, I think I have pink eye.

Why, body? Don't I take care of you properly? Don't I give you healthy food, and make sure that you're properly exercised?